Wednesday, September 17, 2008


I need to escape from my head but it is not that easy. No wonder why I'm confused. My head is a complex electrical circuit and the pathways are deteriorating from so much usage. Not from over thinking but strenuous thought all the time.

When I open my eyes my head hurts, I pause for a moment to try and think less or from my heart but the feelings do not last as this time is merely an alternation. In that moment of feeling, which is now, the leaves drop around my communicator and the gray ski blows a steady breeze past my bench.

I think to better myself. I came to Australia to better my self and direction. Indeed I have done that with support academically and socially. But there is a gaping hole in my self. I'm am learning, breathing, growing, and now I am left with complete dissatisfaction. My heart is not with me. When it is, it is only there for a moment and I can not live through it. To tell you the truth I am very afraid to stop using logic in the prediction that I will stop growing. But the contradiction is there and I am aware, but it is the fear that stops me.

I sense my father within me when I am in Australia. When we see each other our twisted logic collides into some sort of murky energy. This energy is not influential as it does pass.

Not like a friend who I will have to the end, has shown me his way, one which is truly influential. But it is his way. I will have my own, and I will continue to grow even when my material is compressed into stone.

There is a skill to be comfortable in yourself whereby you can treat yourself with the up most respect and love.

An individual I must continue to be. A balance of love and logic.

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